Patience

My dad's been receiving the brunt of my impatience.  I tend to express my litany of complaints to him because he takes them well.  I can't do that to any other person in the world because other people won't understand and may even get impatient and angry as well.  My dad, on the other hand, tries to calm me down, inject humor into the situation and make me sit patiently like a little child squirming in her seat.  Which reminds me, I try to do the same thing to Joshua, try to make him more patient by distracting him with sketching, creating a toy from used boxes or opening his favorite book.  Although, my dad doesn't distract me.  He tells it to me straight that things don't happen within the time I want.

So I read up a lot on patience to build up this lacking trait in me and one of my favorite sources of inspiration has been Joyce Meyer.  Following are quotes from her book, Battlefield of the Mind.

". . . patience is not my ability to wait, but my ability to keep a good attitude while I wait."


". . . busy trying to make something happen, instead of waiting patiently for God to bring things to pass in His own time and His own way."


". . . impatience is a sign of pride, and the only answer to pride is humility."


"It is not suffering that glorifies God, but a godly attitude in suffering that pleases Him and brings glory to Him . . . The thing that pleases Him is our patient attitude - not our suffering."

It's not that we have to become miserable martyrs suffering in silence but we are grace-filled, joy-filled, grateful children of God.  Living it is the daily challenge.

People talk of a dying to self as a way to deliverance.  It turns out it is not just dying to our own ways but dying to our own timing, completely letting go of the time frame we've set for ourselves, a kind of deadline we've foolishly handed God and instead, totally lean on faith and God's perfect time.  It's hard because you count the years the prayer hasn't been answered and you want to throw a tantrum but you know that would be useless.  You have no choice but develop patience slowly, tentatively and then maybe it catches momentum and before you know it, you're more patient than before.  Yahoo!  Hooray for small victories!   Then a storm swoops down and you feel like complaining again and the exercise in control starts all over again with help from patience gurus like my dad, Joyce Meyer and others.

In a way, I think I've been cheating patience by complaining to my dad because I put up a front, showing good behavior to others but am so seething inside that I need to vent and the only person I can vent to is my dad.  Poor dad.  But he's used to it and he likes it that way.  His attitude is always, "You've got problems?  Bring 'em on!"   He loves helping people with problems.  To get his attention, you have to tell him, "Pa, I've got a problem," otherwise he'll just be busy with texting, reading tweets or fiddling with his iPad.  The last time he visited me, I deliberately practiced grace under anxiety, withheld griping and whining and let him enjoy his quiet time with Steve Jobs' legacy to mankind -- the tablet.

My theory is that if I feed myself enough on these patience nuggets then I'll eventually graduate to higher  and higher levels.  No way but up, right?

My friend Bea wrote to me after reading this blog entry and wanted to add it to the collection:  

I'll leave you with this simple sentence that keeps me at bay, still and patient. " Whatever you are waiting for, remember that I am the Lord" Wait. He makes us wait to build us, improve us, help us learn and unlearn things and to know our hearts... in the same manner it is also the ground where we get to know God's heart. His purpose for us.

Trust. Whoever puts his trust on God will never be disappointed. Another promise and consider it fulfilled, everytime.