Tuesday, November 27, 2012

How I'd Like to Eat

Barbs became my friend because she was a VSO volunteer and I applied to become one but ended up in a corporate job in China instead of my choices, Africa and Afghanistan.  It's fun to visit homes of friends from the NGO world because they have this multi-cultural richness, artistic vibe but the best thing is sharing a meal with them because they tend to prepare and eat healthy food.   

Barbs' ref door has always been filled with postcards from the world over and her bookshelves caving in from the weight makes me wish for a split second I was still collecting physical books and not kindle-dependent.  



This is the yummiest, healthiest meal I've had in a while.  Jozef prepared lentils while Barbs did a red rice version of the tabouleh, home-made hummus and fish.  Barbs and Jozef keep a food log of their weekend meals and I'm lucky and grateful Barbs emailed me the word file of recipes.  If Jozef had his way, he would have it published and given out to friends but Barbs would have none of that.
This is the view from Barbs' home at the fifth floor -- expansive and you get your fill of sky, clouds and green with bonus mountains.  Mother pigs with their babies walk below and Barbs refers to them as her own.  Only Barbs would be such a beautiful soul to see.

So following Barbs' inspiring example, I get off my cushy ass and expand my cooking repertoire.  I get discouraged whenever I cook and it doesn't taste the way I want it so I avoid the task for a while, make all sorts of excuses until the next urge arises. Since friends from high school were visiting, I thought I'd give the tabouleh a try because of Barbs and because three years ago, I fell in love with this salad in a park in China when a middle-eastern friend prepared it for our picnic.

I've also always wanted to pick leaves from the herb garden where we live.  Funny how you have these things you want to do and there's no reason for you not to do it but it still takes some time before you actually do it.  Isn't that called procrastination?  But procrastination is such an ugly word.  

I'm happy and not discouraged with the meal I made although I didn't get the tabouleh exactly right.  Right means going OMG that is SO good after biting into it.  I kinda got the salmon pesto pasta right.  The ingredients of tabouleh took too much time to cut, it pushed back the time for the other dishes so in the future I'd like to try out the quicker recipes.
But thanks to Barbs and Jozef, I'm open to cooking again.


Intersections


Lola must have arranged everything from heaven because it was one serendipitous thing after another on our weekend trip to La Union with my dad and brother.  Papa kept saying that it was Lola’s joy to make the yearly trip to pay taxes for a beach front property, but when she passed away, nobody has made that long ride since.

The ruin of an old Spanish tower stands on the back portion of the lot, a part of which my dad donated to the municipality of San Juan because of its heritage value.  The mayor said that they were using it for their pawikan conservation project.  True enough, when we drove there, a sign pointed to the protected pawikan site but when we got to the tower, there was nothing except some young people hanging out in the shade, whiling away their time.   We wondered where the pawikans could be.

That night, we met Papa’s friend who invited us to have lunch at their beach home the following day.  That led us to solving the mystery of the endangered species we were searching for. 

I had a long lost friend who built a beautiful house in San Juan, La Union.  It was a house that would make you fall in love with design and architecture as pure art.  I was hoping my dad’s friend might know their family since they both had homes by the same beach.  It turns out that my dad’s friend’s neighbor is my long lost friend’s niece who was looking for my dad because my long lost friend told her my dad owned the beach property with the tower ruin which she wanted to use for their pawikan conservation project.  If that sounds confusing, the bottom line is, we finally saw the baby pawikans in a blue pail kept in the room of Sachi, my long lost friend’s niece.  They were going to be released that afternoon into the sea. 

Meeting Sachi and hearing her talk passionately about the NGO she started called CURMA – Coastal Underwater Resource Management Actions - made me think of how I was when I was her age, full of idealism, living like the world was our oyster which held out endless possibilities.  Then age creeps in and circumstances happen and that idealism dims, slides some notches down.  We become realistic and then jaded.  We settle and then rationalize settling.  We let some dreams go only to find them knocking again during unguarded moments, threatening to break the door with incessant pounding. 

Finding Sachi was like finding the missing piece of the puzzle that Lola wanted us to assemble.  She not only led us to the turtles, she also led us to the farm dream.  Our talk meanders to the topic of agriculture and it turns out that Sachi’s parents have an organic farm in a nearby town called Dasay. 

Although I never met him, I knew Sachi’s dad from stories told by my long, lost friend who was always proud of her brother, Toby, the beekeeper.  He had been based in Baguio for many years where he nurtured and expanded his honey business but having become disenchanted with the city’s unstoppable, insensitive development, he decided four years ago to move to La Union.   

He and his wife were on their way to visit Sachi so we immediately grabbed the chance to see their farm which was in line with my recently-figured “what to do next in life.”  When Sachi introduced her parents to us, I whispered to my dad, that’s how I wish Jason, my hubby and I would be when we’re older – two funky farmers of the earth. 

Their farm embodied all their ideals of self-sustainability, bio-diversity, eco-friendliness – tags that are not meaningless marketing words but daily creed.  They’ve filled once barren mountains with different types of trees and plants that change the micro-climate of the place, making it degrees cooler.  They grow red rice and hardly need to go to market because they raise their own food and even make fertilizer from enzymes.  When they started out, they lived in a nipa hut, used a solar cooker and had no electricity.  Now, they have solar panels on the roof of their more conventional house oriented to catch the breeze and shaded from the harsh afternoon sun.  

Toby said that a lot of people think that farming costs a lot of money but he doesn’t think it should if you know how to utilize the resources.  I’d like to study in detail how they do things and I could listen to Toby talk the whole day about trees but we had to head back to Manila. 






   

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Farm Joy


When you send out your request to the universe, the results can be instantaneous and astounding.  Dizzy tizzy from spinning around trying to figure out what I want to do in the next phase of life, I contemplated getting a ride to anywhere provincial and I got a text confirmation that my friend, Joy was visiting their farm in Bulacan so I could go along with her.

Over ten years ago, I went to my Mom’s farm in Batangas regularly on weekends and loved the soothing sea.  It was my dream to develop it since it was an idle resource – empty fishponds and gorgeous nearly empty land sitting under sun and sky.  Excited at the prospects, I clipped articles on sustainable farming, researched organic methods, visited model farms, talked with agriculturists and showed experts the property to see what can be done.  Except for planting a variety of trees, nothing happened after that nebulous planning stage since I got a job after graduation, worked in one office after another, eventually ended up in China, got married, had kids and came full circle back to the Philippines.

My husband has been dreaming of farming as well.  His vision is to plant vegetables and raise animals to be served at our dining table which means good health for us all.  But it won’t just be a hobby farm since there’s good profit to be made as well.

Joy says her husband, Kerry dreamt of farming “dahil nagmi-mid-life siya.”  Perhaps a number of people feel this way after working themselves to the bone, as if farming isn’t a lot of hard work.  But farming is more than hard work.  It restores our connection to earth and in turn, ourselves.  For people who have visions of the ideal society, there is the paramount of dealing with issues of food security and sustainable practices.  Farming is technical, scientific and it’s also an art.  It’s an attractive enterprise that has its risks and rewards.

Joy is a public servant, architect, urban planner, LEED consultant, mother of three.  Superwoman for short.  (They also have four dogs.)  Kerry is into HR training, team building, outdoor and recreational technologies.  You want a zipline installed so you can sail above treetops, he’s the guy to call.  When Kerry broached the topic of buying a farm, Joy nodded in support so Kerry scoured Luzon for something they could afford and last year in July, chose and closed the deal on a four hectare lot in San Miguel, Bulacan that has since expanded to nine.

In November, they started planting preparations and since then have gone through three cycles growing tomatoes, ampalaya, corn, eggplant, melon, sili, upo and rice.  They’ve gotten their seeds from the East West company who provided technicians to help out.  They’ve sold their produce in the “bagsakan sa Balintawak.”   They’ve used crop rotation so that the soil regenerates itself and on a smaller, trial basis scale, they’ve made broccoli, cauliflower, French beans, cabbage and cherry tomatoes bloom.  Kerry is proud of the vermicompost tea brew that he put together whereby the brewing action multiplies the potency of the fertilizer.  Joy and Kerry plan to have a 100% organic farm someday, but for now, it’s a hybrid.

Mistakes have been made and lessons learned the expensive way.  The corn project taught them to be more discerning of who they bring into the team.  The next time they cultivate broccoli and cauliflower, they have to put a protective net over them. They learned how to time their crops or else they lose their investment if the market catches them at a low price.  But most of all, they learned not to give up despite the losses and trials.

They only started to build a bahay kubo for their family after a year of operations. 
Before that, they’ve bought a tractor, bedder, truck and other farm implements.  They’ve put tilapia fingerlings in the natural pond and free-range chicken will soon be clucking away in the landscape.

What I admire about Joy and Kerry is their sheer chutzpah at starting this enterprise.  They did their homework and research but there’s no analysis paralysis.  They went straight to implementation after every germ of idea released and it’s amazing what could be done within one year.

The farm of my dream is merely a drawing in my head, "nilangaw na sa tagal ng panahon."  The articles I’ve put in binders have yellowed with age while the land that has been in our family for at least three decades is still barren and unproductive.  Maybe there is complacency because the land will always be there.  There’s frustration over lost opportunities and fear of what the investment entails.  My husband has more courage in initiating efforts.  He’s purchased a tractor, brought seeds from China and had sacks filled with soil to make a dam to store the water.

And that’s the other major inspiring lesson I got from Joy and Kerry – it’s their united stance as a couple committed to this endeavour.  Joy is a totally supportive wife.  I, on the other hand, am not and was filled with hesitations, vexations, scepticisms and anxieties despite the fact that this too is my personal dream, not just my husband’s.  I said, “Bahala ka.  I’ll stay here in Manila to take care of the children.” 

I suppose I’m more fearful now because it was different as a single person toying with those farm fantasies.  Back then, there was no financial responsibility of raising two kids.  Through the years, the baggage from the family’s past has accumulated and there’s my stubborn, nagging preference for the sea – yet unavailable Batangas over available Bulacan.  There’s a deep background not worth getting into.  Suffice it to say that Joy and Kerry’s story made me examine my motives and trepidations.

If Joy and Kerry can do it, why can’t I drop all the damned pesky, bulky overweight luggage, support my husband 100% and create our dream farm together?  Drop to my knees and get dirty.





                            Ang bahay kubo ni Mang Kerry at Aling Joy:


Friday, November 16, 2012

Zee Bucket List


Santa Claus and our parents are often our earliest wish granters till we grow up to be our own realizer-implementer and eventually, we in turn, become wish granters to our children and parents.   It’s still an unfulfilled wish of mine to be able to give my mom and dad something substantial in their hope list but they keep trumping me at this game.  My mom has made it possible for my husband, sons and I to live in a dream home while my dad recently surprised me with a meal at the Rainmaker’s Lounge.

I’ve been following food bloggers and reviews for two years, making mental notes of restaurants to visit and casually mentioned the Rainmaker’s Lounge to my dad who got us not only an invitation from the man behind The Firm but the much-lauded lawyer joined us at the exclusive table together with his partners.   



The unforgettable meal of wagyu burger with foie gras prompted me to finally write my long-overdue bucket list. 

  1. climb the Tepuis in South America
  2. ski in Switzerland and in Canada
  3. visit Pakistan and Afghanistan
  4. bungee jump from across Victoria Falls
  5. visit friends in different countries
  6. learn from excellent mentors
  7. design things I’m happy with
  8. develop a farm
  9. have a successful business that employs a lot of people
  10. help people become successful
  11. pioneer something environmental
  12. be a successful investor
  13. choose restaurants and not look at the price column
  14. have an exhibit
  15. publish a children’s book
  16. improve my Chinese
  17. clean up the Pasig River together with friends who carry the same dream
  18. do something for the Philippines
  19. do volunteer work in Africa
  20. attend a TED talk
  21. speak at a TED talk
  22. go on a food trip to Japan
  23. see my favorite architectural works
  24. build a tree house

I’ve made lists of dreams and goals before and reviewing them, it strikes me that details move in and out as desires shift, so I opted to keep certain items ambiguous and open.   

There are some “stunts” that I have done in the past that have a bucket list-like quality such as travel to Tibet and Mongolia on my own, hitch a ride, pose nude for an artist, hop on a bus to nowhere, do something absurdly stupid for love – and I guess the purpose of these daring-do list is to continuously resurrect in us the courage to do what it is we want to do even if it seems impossible, even if it leads to falling on our faces.  Sometimes, courage hides and we have to coax it out of dark.    
Roraima Tepui. Parque Nacional Canaima, Venezuela

Crossroads 2.0


I look back at the periods of life crossroads and marvel at how the “next thing” came along and I’m hoping it would be the same this time.  “It” would magically appear like an “aha” moment, like a suddenly turned-on light bulb or a “ting” would ring in my ear.  However, those moments only look easy in hindsight and they were probably borne of more anxious introspection than I could remember. 

I remember doing decision matrices, lists, a lot of walks, some talks with key people and now I have available the full use of you tube and the internet.  It could get confusing.  Last night for instance, fishing from the web, I was deeply bothered by these lines by Olivier Blanchard:

“No matter what our choice of profession is – CEO, auto mechanic, surgeon, soldier, EMT, assembly line worker, politician, restaurant manager, samurai, etc. – we’re all artists. All of us. You leave the art bottled up inside you, and your career will never reach its full potential. In life and love outside of work, you’ll always wonder why you feel stalled, why you feel alone, why you can’t connect with people the way you wish you could. You’ll always be a fraction of who you should be, of who you would like to be. But if you can find a way to let it out, to give it form, to embrace it, to let it permeate into every aspect of your life – professional and otherwise, – you will grow into a much happier, more fulfilled person. I don’t think that’s true. I know that’s true. I see it every single day.”


It’s been one year since I was diagnosed with cancer, one year in and out of hospitals, getting IV infusions and the most surgeries I’ve had ever.  I signed up for a cancer support group only to realize that I’d like to get on with the next part of my life not as a cancer patient or survivor but as Joei.  And what does Joei want?  I panicked when I drew a blank.  I had to calm myself that it’s probably okay not to know as long as I keep moving forward even in question marks.

I have over a month to find what it is I’m looking for but what if I don’t find it?  Why am I even putting a deadline on this complex endeavour in the first place?  My husband and two boys are in China so I surmised that the period that they’re gone, I can spend to leisurely look for what it is I want to do.  Pass the half-way mark, there is a sense that “it” may not appear when they land in Manila.  Again, calm down.  Don’t exaggerate the situation.  Don’t over-dramatize the time element.  Olivier Blanchard is not holding, I repeat, not holding a Damocles sword over your head just because you don’t know what the hell art you're going to let loose in the world. 

I recalled the things I enjoyed – writing, painting, movies, poetry, books, architecture, mountain climbing, outdoors, travel, biking, having mentors, community, food . . . . . I’d have to do the rounds again and see.  Meantime, there is only an urge to update my blog and join my friend who’s going to their vegetable farm tomorrow.  

So I think that’s the trick, just follow the urge.  It’s like an invite from the universe.  Just RSVP a yes and it’s only a matter of time when the right dots connect.  

But before they connect, nothing should deter us from our dreams.  They are connecting surreptitiously, silently in our sleep, under our radar, slithering like a snake, waiting for the day that they can creep up and surprise us.  They are probably already connected only we don’t know it.   



     

Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Unblogged


Almost six months have passed since my last blog entry.  Within that time I wanted to write about things I have not blogged about including the joy and miracle of giving birth to my second baby, updates on my cancer treatment, a long-overdue bucket list and other stuff.  But something stopped me, this cloud hanging over my head despite the happy news, despite the enormity of blessings, because I wanted this blog to be more cheery than not. 

My stepfather passed away last August 8 and I find myself walking in the mall wanting to cry, asking God if he could give him back to us because he was taken way before it was time.  There must be some mistake.  It’s unreal and yet here we are simply missing him.  He and I had more differences than similarities in the way we lived our lives but he loved me and was overly-generous to a fault, spoiled as I am by all that he has given me.

Who do I run to now for advice?  Oddly, I created a system that I hope is guided by him.  Some late nights, I watched him enjoy trading and he always said that if he can do anything, he’d rather trade currencies, stocks, futures and options for a living.  It’s a field most unlikely for me to enter because I wanted my life to be about saving the world only to realize I had to save myself first.  I spent seven years striving to be someone my stepdad could be proud of but failed rather miserably working in his company, my attempt at going corporate.  I’d get advice from well-meaning friends that I shouldn’t live under the shadow of somebody else’s expectations, but there’s something in me that is genuinely piqued by how my stepdad lived.

I’ve now attended my third FOREX seminar and although, I’m mentally challenged with technical and fundamental analysis whizzing past my head, it's intriguingly worth studying but not something I would do full-time.  However, I’d like to set in place the means by which I could still benefit from it.  I created a Yahoo group for my classmates and me so we’d have a community where we can share lessons.  I got fund managers so that I’d learn from them while I’m stress-and-worry-free to continue learning the ropes.  So that’s one ongoing project for my stepdad and me to work on while he’s in heaven and I’m here typing this with the sound of flowing water behind me.

The other blistering barnacle of unbloggable entry is the realization of just how hard these past two years have been, leading me to seek professional help in the nick of time.  The internal demons have settled down a bit and I've had my head slowly screwed back on so it’s all systems go for the next adventures.