Dear Yel,
I finished listening to the audio book, Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon
Hill which was highly recommended by a friend.
Although I loved the well-imagined dialogue with the devil, it left me
wanting to ask the author more questions like how can I be sure if the negative
thoughts inside my head are really from the devil when I’ve most certainly
reached those conclusions myself using my own faculties of observation and
analysis? I wish I can talk to somebody
about it but since there was no one I can bounce around ideas with, I just
plodded on with more readings.
I came across this from our favourite, Joyce Meyer, which sheds light upon
the conundrum in my head:
“Thinking about what you’re thinking about is
very valuable because Satan usually deceives people into thinking that the
source of their misery or trouble is something other than what it really
is. He wants them to think they are
unhappy due to what is going on around them (their circumstances), but the
misery is actually due to what is going on inside them (their thoughts).”
“For many years I really believed that I was
unhappy because of things others were doing or not doing. I blamed my misery on my husband and my
children. If they would be different, if
they would be more attentive to my needs, if they would help around the house
more, then, I thought, I would be happy.
It was one thing and then another for years. I finally faced the truth, which was that
none of these things had to make me unhappy if I chose to have the right attitude. My thoughts were what was making me
miserable.”
Plus, this one from another of our frequent, favored teachers, Bo Sanchez, came:
That article made me resolute about the future, finding the gold in the pothole but it’s still a constant battle because we’re
not yet in the boxing ring and the doubts and fears already creep in and overpower. This bout with cancer combined with pregnancy
is easy compared with the next chapter since I’m currently surrounded by good doctors and
Mom has made high-quality care accessible.
I’m in God’s gracious hands so nothing to fret about.
The next phase, however, is
a frightful stage – a husband and wife with two children and no income except
support coming from the family, no job, no business, no guarantees, dim prospects, big unknown, starting from scratch -- it’s been the cause of
sleepless nights. It’s useless worrying
about it especially now is not the time to stress myself because of its effect
on the baby. But my mind wants to churn,
churn, churn these things out like a factory on auto-pilot. I want it
to stop so I can get eight hours of sleep but why oh why can’t I leave it in God’s more than able hands like the other matters?
There are moments when I do pass it on to Him but then I grab it back like a selfish, impatient child and
horde it in my arms that can barely hold the bundle. Such a mystery, no?
Too early this morning, I
imagined Napoleon Hill’s devil with the deep, menacing, exaggerated evil voice of the audio book speaking clearly in my head, outlining how he is
controlling me, putty in his fingers. And
during that time, the questions left me, replaced with a pure understanding of the situation --
for how long, I don’t know. I hope it lasts longer than a few days.
Love,
Te
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